A Summer of Growth

My creative evolution sparked from a heartbreak

Aug 31, 2021

This summer asked me to grow way more than I had anticipated. Before I share the story, I want to say that although this is a deeply personal chapter of my life, I have found that FLOW SO FLY is not just about me, but speaks to something in so many of us. It’s therefore important to me to not just share the shiny but also the vulnerable chapters. They will also help you understand my new artworks.

As temperatures started to rise and we welcomed summer in the northern hemisphere, all excited, the heart of my partner cooled down. The following breakup & heartbreak (more on that here) put my life upside down. And while I was dealing with the practical & emotional aftermath, I found myself in a handstand with new perspectives. Most importantly, I tried to never give up on myself. And in putting my heart back together, I learned a lot about who I am, who I was, and who I want to be.

We all have our insecurities. We all have our ways of covering them up when we don’t want to confront them. And when we lose something that means a lot to us, we tend to also lose a part of our identity. That last part is usually the most painful.

Sometimes, life pushes us to make decisions. Adapt. Grow. You can try to resist it, but time will always outdo us. However, I am not the kind of person who wants to rot, blaming others for my own misery. I respect myself and my time in this life too much to sacrifice it. So I’ve been focusing on bringing my wandering mind from past memories to the present, to my body’s presence. And as I started making new plans, I realized that growth doesn’t happen in the future. Growth happens in the present. And I think it’s no coincidence that the English word present is also used synonymously with the word gift. And like a gift, you need to accept it, everything that is.

In my case, acceptance meant spending time with myself and dropping everything that felt like baggage. Embracing the loneliness. The emptiness. I tried to walk the tightrope of confronting my insecurities while not getting sucked into a spiral of negativity. This process felt sobering, liberating, and freeing. Not always comfortable. And that’s when I figured I was growing.

Artistically, I want to drop the baggage of expectations too. Under the pressure of recognition, success, money and time, life doesn’t grow as beautifully as on the playground of passion & love. So I have been making my way back to the playground, playing, trying, falling, getting back up, trying again,… the 4-year-olds in us know it of course, but do we still?

This process led me to new ideas, new models, new materials, and new artworks. I moved from drawing with black fineliners to color pencils and onto painting with oil pastels, with my fingers. I started to play with colors, their vibrance and their interactions. Moreover, structure has entered my lines and given new depth to my artworks. I feel like these materials demand more emotion and craft from me, and I enjoy the possibilities. I am pleased with the added meaning I can put into my work.

After my phase of loss and grief, I am finding new ways to fill my time and identity with. In expressing, in creating, in drawing, in painting, in writing, in feeling, in trying, I keep finding meaning, joy & love. I am practicing various forms of art, including piano, and focused on building my artistic legacy while taking time for my physical and mental health.

It is humbling to see your interest in my journey. Creatively, but also personally. Perhaps you have even been through similar experiences yourself. I am grateful for your support and hope you find inspiration in and reading between my lines.

I also want to thank all of you who help me live from my art by collecting my art. I just put some new drawings for sale here. And here you can explore my colorflow originals. For my new large canvas works, please inquire via email to f@flowsofly.art (they are currently drying).

Here are some of my newest works: