How to solve problems in relationships
😌 — Reflections on this simple approach
I’ve found this approach so useful time over time over time that I want to share it with you. It works for all types of relationships, whether you’re having a conflict with your partner, a family member, or a coworker. It can also be applied to pretty much all types of problems.
Ok, so this is it. There are 2 parts:
1. The Perspective
Most problems stand between people, between you and me.
In order to solve a problem, we need to change perspectives. We need to act together against the problem. Like this:
There is one pre-requisite for this that will make everything easier: A commitment to the shared “We”.
Many love relationships push commitments out. It is only natural that the first bigger conflict then seems like everything is at stake.
At work, the “We” is the expected commitment in exchange for a paycheck. Real leaders will understand that trust is earned, not expected. If you wanna dive deeper here, I can recommend the work of Simon Sinek to all (aspiring) leaders.
So if you don’t want the relationship to break at the first headwind, dare to make a commitment. Communicate what it means to you and that way build a solid foundation. A we.
2. The focus on the future
Nobody likes to be critiqued for past actions. Because they can’t be changed. Reminder: nobody lives there anymore so let’s get over it.
Instead of communicating your discontent about not having done the dishes or not having taken time for the relationship because of work or not having been pleased with this-or-that, focus your energy and communication on the future.
Say: “Next time, I wish you’d ____” instead of “Why did you ____” or “I told you to ____”.
This approach gives your partner a chance to grow, a chance to do better.
You’ll see it works wonders.